Fiction: Bruises and Blobs

Explorer’s Log: I am about three days away from the star system designated Soft Moan of the Queen by royal Astronomers.  It is a detour from my original course but the three Mur I met recently told me that is their home star system.  I will go there to introduce relations between our species and scout them for their eventual conquest. 

I have encountered a derelict ship today.  It is about two kilometers long and is of an unknown origin.  It has minimal power readings and confusing life signals.  I plan to board the ship and see if I can learn anything of where it came from as well as check to see if it has anything I can salvage.  End Explorer’s Log.

Explorer’s Personal Log: Fuck, I hope there is nothing too interesting on that ship.  I am still sore from a week of fucking those Mur brothers.  It has been so long since I have had cock, much less three that vibrate, that I might have over done it.  Here’s to hoping the ship just has a bunch of easy to carry garbage and no funky hostile creatures.
Vaquel Di fired her sonic pistol at the never ending horde of squishy blob creatures.  The concentrated wave of sound passed through a blob creature and shook it apart before traveling on and hitting the second, third and forth blob creature behind it.  Orange gelatin flew everywhere and splattered the walls.

“Fucking shapeless fucks!” Vaquel yelled.  She was freaking out a little bit.  The glassteel helmet that covered her cute face and short pink hair was already splattered with orange blob remains.  Having to wipe her helmet every few seconds just to see more of the hostile blob monsters just added to her anxiety.  She had spent two hours going through a ship that had an endless number of skeletons belonging to an unknown species.  The blobs still had bits of digested skin, organs and alien faces floating within them

One of the blob creatures oozed into the corridor.  The squishy orange mass was barely half a meter in length but the pseudopod it flailed out with reached twenty meters.  The lashing pseudopod cracked like a whip across her tits.  The spacesuit didn’t tear but it didn’t protect her from the kinetic force of having her tits slapped.

“Fuck!” Vaquel screamed.  Her tits were still tender from the Murs biting, kneading and fucking her tits.  Apparently her tits were larger than what their species had and they couldn’t keep their hands off them.  Her breasts were giant bags of sensitive skin and the spore-fucking blobs wouldn’t stop slapping them.  Maybe the stupid orange blobs thought her tits were fellow blobs trapped within her spacesuit.

She aimed her sonic pistol at the new blob. It blew apart and the metal under it buckled.  It was nice to see it blow apart but her tits still hurt form the slap.

Her hand also hurt from firing the pistol.  The Murs had cocks that vibrating and it was awfully hard on the hands to give them Handjobs but hey, Vaquel couldn’t keep her hands off them.  She was paying for it now as her hands were suffering from carpal stress.  Just carrying the sonic pistol was pushing her pain management to the limits.

“I got to get out of here,” Vaquel said for the twentieth time.  It was a two kilometer long ship and of course she didn’t find the blobs until she was one and a half kilometers in.  She had been running through the decayed ship for an hour and a half she still had half a kilometer to go.  Fuck.

She didn’t understand these creatures at all.  None of them tried to grab her with their pseudopods.  They didn’t seem to be acidic to the touch.  She didn’t exactly understand why they kept lashing at her instead of a more lethal attack.  Maybe they defeated other organisms by just wearing them the fuck out.  Vaquel felt she was close to just lying down and letting them do whatever the fuck they did.

But just not yet.  Vaquel dived through an open hatch.  She landed on her back and old bruises flared along her spine.  Images of the Mur brothers taking turns fucking her against a wall replayed through her mind.  Yeah, if felt great but her back was paying for it now. 

Vaquel fired a series of sonic blasts at the ceiling of the hatch.  It collapsed and blocked the hatch opening.  The blobs would have to find another way to her. 

It took them less than ten seconds.  The little bastards oozed through a crack.  One of them plopped onto the ground between Vaquel’s feet.  The blob lashed out with a pseudopod right between Vaquel’s thighs.

“Fuck” she screamed.  The pseudopod struck her right on the spore-fucking pussy!  Her tender sex clenched in unbearable tightness as the pseudopod struck her three more times before she could close her legs.

“Die!” Vaquel screamed.  The sonic pistol made sure it did.

More orange ooze bled through the crack.
 
She considered using her plasma pistol to punch a hole through the hull of the ship.  The vacuum of space would make getting to her ship awkward but there might be less blobs.  Might was the key word.  For all she knew, the damn things might thrive in space.  They were a pain within the ship but they were a manageable pain.

Vaquel ran.

Running made her thighs hurt.  She was regretting every single time she had pinned a Mur down and rode his cock like a saddle. 

Running made her ass hurt.  The Murs had small cocks but elongated fingers.   Vaquel had taught them how to fingerfuck her ass and now her tender ass was regretting every anal expedition. 

Running made her breasts hurt.  The gravity on the ship was less than she was used to and her damn tits kept bouncing within her spacesuit.  The Mur loved her tits and never left them alone.  The tightness of the suit made her aware of bruises that she didn’t know she had. 

A sheet of orange slime dropped down into front of her.  Vaquel stopped herself barely in time from running into it.  A dozen pseudopods formed and lashed out at her.

Every damn one of those asshole tentacles struck her tits.  A dozen pseudopods slapped, whipped and stung her tits in less than a second.  Vaquel stumbled back from the overwhelming sensation that passed through her.

She also got a little wet between the thighs.  Vaquel shook her head.  Wasn’t a week of fucking enough?  She guessed not.

Vaquel fired the sonic pistol at the orange blob.  It must have been made of several blob creatures because only parts of it blew up at a time.  As Vaquel kept firing, the blob kept sending more whipping pseudopods her way.  No matter how much Vaquel dodged and weaved, the damn pseudopods always hit her tits.  The fuckers also had a supernatural tendency to strike her nipples.  

“”Die! Die! Die!” Vaquel yelled as she fired the sonic pistol.

New gelatin splashed on her bubble helmet.  It took her a minute but she managed to kill most of the wall of slime in front of her.  That meant a full minute of enduring more tits slaps from pseudopods but Vaquel endured.  She had to blink back tears near the end but it was just more motivation to keep firing.

When the passage was clear, Vaquel took off running again.  She instantly regretted her decision.  Her slapped tits were super sensitive with sensation.  Three running steps was all it took to make her drop to her knees in pain.

“I swear by Queen Erisehlla that I will never let another species touch my tits again!” Vaquel said.

She took a deep breathe and got back up.  She began her slow walk back to where her ship was docked.  One hand across her tits for protection, Vaquel had the sonic pistol ready to blast anything that moved. 

Vaquel made it to familiar passage.  She remembered this place.  It was the corridor that connected directly to where her ship was docked.  Relief washed over as she remembered it was straight run back to safety.

The walls shook and buckled.  Cracks appeared up and down the corridor.  Orange slime pushed and forced itself in. 

The corridor was an orange gauntlet of waving pseudopods.  Vaquel could try finding another way but she was exhausted.  She could try to shoot every slime pool but that also would take forever.  There was only one fast solution to this problem.

Vaquel ran.  Her tender tits bounced but it couldn’t be helped.  Each of her bruised thighs screamed in pain but tough shit.  Running through these slime bastards was her only chance.

The blobs quivered with excitement.  More of them appeared until the entire corridor was coated in orange slime. 

Pseudopods lashed out at her as she ran towards them.  She tried to block them with her hands but the agile pseudopods whipped around her hands with unearthly accuracy.  Her tits were slapped from the top and from the bottom.  Powerful lashes whipped her tits from the right and the left.  Some nimble pseudopods struck her nipples with incredible precision. 

Just running by the blobs didn’t mean they stopped attacking her.  The pseudopods shifted their focus to her ass.  Whatever bizarre behavior that caused them to strike at the round globes of her tits seemed to also apply to the plump curves of her ass.  The vicious blobs struck at running buttocks with the same stinging fury that they gave her breasts.

Vaquel ran.  The blobs slapped her tits.  The blobs slapped her ass.  The spacesuit could keep out extreme cold, poison and heat but it did nothing to protect her from the constant whipping force of the pseudopods. 

Vaquel made it to the airlock.  A few of the blobs tried to follow her in but she shot those fuckers.  She stumbled into her ship and activated the automatic undocking procedures.

The probe ship hummed to life.  Vaquel sat down without thinking.  She hissed as her tender ass took the full weight of her body.  Vaquel stood back up and then winced as her sensitive breasts shifted with the movement.

“Activate laser and blow that ship up!” Vaquel ordered.

The derelict ship exploded after two hits.  Crumpled metal and orange ooze floated in space.  Most of the slime crystallized instantly. 

“That takes care of that,” Vaquel said.  She might never know what those slimes really were but fuck it.  Some mysteries in space don’t need to be solved.

Except for maybe the mystery of being able to sit again anytime soon.

For Sale: Deep Space Probe

Deep Space Probe is available for purchase at Kindle.  This ebook collects the first ten stories of Vaquel Di, a Deep Space Probe Explorer who spends 10% of her time exploring space and the other 90% of her time getting laid.  For you scholars out there, this ebook collects every Vaquel story to date. 

When I produce another ten stories, I'll do a second volume.  If I get enough sales, I will tackle the monstrosity that is putting all the Otto Von Madd stories into a collection.

The cover is an experiment in doing non-sexual covers for people who want to hide their smut better.  Also, space is pretty damn sexy.

Fiction: Promises to Keep

Angelica opened her eyes and got out of bed.  She didn’t have a hangover which came as a surprise to her.  Either she didn’t drink nearly as much as she thought she did last night, or she was getting way better at being a drunken college student. 

She put on her bikini and went outside.  It was another glorious morning on the beach.  She started walking to the breakfast café that was a block from her rented beach house.  She was on autopilot as her feet walked before her brain was fully awake.

This was the best spring break ever.  So far she had made out with a bunch of boys, got a really bitching tan and even did a satanic ritual last night.

Angelica stopped walking.  That’s right!  Her roommate did do some weird ritual out of a book!  Holy shit, Angelica’s Catholic mom would freak! 

The young girl started laughing and kept walking.  What was that ritual about?  It was some book that Miranda brought.  It was supposed to give them good luck.  No, wait.  It was supposed to be pleasure.  That’s right!  It was some ritual in Spanish that was supposed to give them all pleasure. 

There was another detail though.  Angelica paused outside the breakfast café as she tried to think of what it was.  It seemed important. 

Three cute guys walked in front of her.  Their nice asses bulged against their swimsuits.  Angelica openly stared at their butts.

Oh yeah!  Angelica remembered now.  The ritual was to something called the Promiser of Pleasure and Pain.  He needed a promise in order to deliver the pleasure.  Angelica suspected that Miranda was making that part up as some sort of segue into a lesbian attempt with Angelica.  Since Angelica was drunk, she got up, pulled her shorts down and mooned Miranda.

“Tell him he can have my big fat ass!” Angelica said.

Angelica smiled at the memory.  Miranda had blushed and finished the ritual.  There was a lot of candles and speaking in Spanish.  There may have been an attempt to seal the ritual with a kiss between the two girls.  Angelica thought she did the kiss but she couldn’t remember.

She went into the breakfast café.  The blast of air conditioning made her nipples hard.  Her eyes adjusted to the indoor light and what she saw defied belief.

A man in stood before her.  He was easily seven feet tall.  He was also butt-naked with an enormous cock.  The cock was pointed at her.  Even odder was his face.  It was smooth, like a mannequin head. 

No one else seemed to notice the faceless man.  Angelica looked around to see if this was some sort of spring break event.  That is when she saw another woman walk through the faceless man.

“Oh shit,” Angelica said.  Stone cold sobriety pushed through her poisoned brain.

“Angelica Shelby Henderson, you made a promise to me,” the Faceless Man said.  Well, he didn’t speak since he didn’t have a mouth.  It was just something she heard in her head.

“Fuck!” Angelica said as she ran out the door. 

She plowed through a crowd of cute boys and ran out into the street.  A jeep honked at her as it drove around her.  Angelica didn’t care.  She was wondering how fast she could run in her flip-flops.

The Faceless Man came out.  He just walked through the glass door like it was nothing.  His giant cock bobbed with every step. 

“You promised your ass!” the Faceless Man yelled.

Angelica ran down the street.  The Faceless Man ran faster.  Her tit bounced out of her bikini but she kept running.  She lost a flip-flop and it didn’t slow her down a bit.  She pushed her way through a crowd of slow ass beach girls and ran around the side of a surf shop.  She paused to see if he was still following.

The Faceless Man walked through the wall of the surf shop.  He pointed at Angelica.  “Your ass was promised to me!” 

Pure panic kicked in.  All she could look at was that monstrous cock.  He was going to fuck her ass.  She just knew it.   Angelica ran towards the beach.  She had some sort of half formed notion that if she got in the water, she would be safe.

She never made it to the water.  The Faceless Man grabbed her by her bikini bottom and swung her around into the sand.  She hit the ground hard and rough sand bit into her exposed tit.

Something heavy pressed down on her hair.  It was the Faceless Man’s foot.  He had her pinned to the beach and she was going nowhere unless she wanted to pull all of her hair out.  She got on her knees and kept pulling anyway.  He reached down and ripped the bikini bottom off her ass quicker than that New York guy did last Friday.

“A promise of ass for a promise of pleasure!” The Faceless Man said.

“I’ve never been fucked in the ass!” Angelica yelled.  It wasn’t true but Martin didn’t count.  The dude barely got the tip in before he climaxed.

He swung his big meaty hand down and smacked Angelica’s ass.  WHAP!

“Jesus Christ!” Angelica yelled.  The sting of his hand vibrated through her curvy ass.  The force of the blow knocked her flat down on the beach.  Her feet kicked in the sand as a second slap stung her ass.

“Check it out!” someone yelled. 

Angelica’s head was turned towards the dunes and yep, there was a crowd already.  She could see her fellow spring break vacationers looking at her oddly.  All they saw was a girl with her face in the sand and her bare ass pointed at the sky.  Shit, even Angelica had seen weirder this week.

WHAP! WHAP! WHAP!

The Faceless Man’s hand slapped her ass.  His hand was gigantic and was as hard as wood.  He swung with a force that was completely inhuman.  Her ass was used to groping, pinching and a little biting.  Angelica’s ass had never suffered anything like this.

She tried to get up.  The weight on her hair was like a ton.  She grabbed his foot and tried to pull.  It would have been easier to lift a pier.  She tried to cover her ass with her hands.  The Faceless Man grabbed both her arms and pinned them with a single giant hand.

The spanking came faster.  Angelica’s ass burned under the quickening pace.  He smacked the top of her ass.  He smacked the bottom of her ass.  He smacked the dead center of her ass and all around it.  Not a single inch of her ass escaped his hand.  She had promised it all.

A bigger crowd assembled on the beach to watch Angelica.  They laughed at her.  No one offered to help, hell, why would that?  She was just another drunk kid naked and writhing on the beach.

Tears and sand stung Angelica’s eyes and she could no longer see them.  Angelica’s ass was burning like a tiki torch.  The Faceless Man was showing no sign of stopping.  She had a vision of the strange monster spanking her ass flat.  It could happen.

“I gave my ass for a promise of pleasure!” Angelica yelled.  “Where is my fucking pleasure?”

The spanking stopped.  “You got it last night,” he said.  Then he slapped her ass again.

Last night?  Angelica didn’t do anything except kiss Miranda and oh. . . Angelica remembered more about last night.  She remembered Miranda’s hands on her breast.  She shuddered as she remembered Miranda’s fingers between Angelica’s thighs.  She moaned as she recalled Miranda’s tongue lapping at her clit. 

Oh yeah.  That was pretty nice.  Damn, how drunk was Angelica?

The spanking stopped.  Angelica lifted her head and there was no weight on her hair.  She looked around and there was no trace of the Faceless Man.  Well, except for her incredibly burning ass.  It hurt just to get up on all fours.  The thought of looking for her bikini bottom with her ass hurting like this was unthinkable.

Then she thought about last night.  Yeah, it was a fair trade.

Wanted For Crimes of Betrayal

Attention all citizens and slaves of Euphoria!  Queen Erishella has declared the individual known as Hank Maggs to be a criminal of the foulest kind!  He is six feet tall, with curly blonde hair and a penis of adequate length.  He is to be arrested on sight as well as beaten thoroughly.

Be advised that Hank Maggs comes from a backwater primitive planet called "Earth".  This savage world is a pit of chaos with free elections, multiple religions and a lack of universal health care.  There is no telling what sort of surprising creative violence such a creature can commit.  Hank Maggs came to this world through a freak wormhole in the space time continuum.  Due to Hank Maggs' somewhat attractive face, Queen Erishella took pity on the lost creature and made him one of her bed slaves.

The Science Academy would like to interrupt this urgent announcement to remind all Euphorians that rips in the space time continuum is a direct result of downloading illegal pornography holograms from file sharing networks like Pirate Moon and FilePervert.  Remember, illegal downloading destroys the universe! 

Hank Maggs, who claims to have been something called an "IT technician" on his home world, decided to betray the Queen's trust and reprogrammed the security locks to escape her bed chambers.  The worthless excuse for a cock also took a female bedslave with him on his escape.  Guards report that both slaves had a dreamy look in their eyes and that they most likely became romantic soul mates in their shared captivity.  Not only has Hank Maggs betrayed his Queen by removing his physical body from the Queen's pleasure, but he has also betrayed her in his heart.  Such a foul creature can not be allowed to escape unpunished.

A reward of a thousand hours of oral pleasure has been offered for the capture of Hank Maggs and the female bedslave who's name that Queen Erishella can't remember.  Be sure to take them alive as Queen Erishella has already designed seven cruel death traps to put them in.  Also be advised that Hank Magg's cock is to be left unharmed.

 

Dirty Movies: Poolboy

"Poolboy: Drowning Out the Fury" has an awesome premise to go with the awesome title.  The concept is that back in 1990, a studio head put his ten year old son, Saint James St. James, in charge of a movie about a Viet Nam vet who returns home to discover that Mexicans had taken all the pool cleaning jobs.  The Motion Picture Academy deemed it so racist, so vile and so thought provoking that it was banned from being released, (except in Germany).  After thousands signed an online petition, the Academy is allowing Saint James to screen the movie as long as he takes out any scenes of witchcraft and non-supervised boating activities.  Included in this special screening is key interviews with Saint James and others who made this movie.

What I just described could not begin to prepare you for the insanity of this movie.  On the one level, we have dead on satire of the action films of the 80's.  There is the overt racism, the random gratuitous nudity and the not-gay-at-all homoerotica.  On the other level, the interviews and comments from Saint James form a second story of crazy as you hear about the time that the star set the boom guy on fire and why exactly was there a clown dream sequence?  The answer involves handjobs.  Not a moment goes by where something insane is not happening on screen.

You may have noticed that Kevin Sorbo and Danny Trejo are in this film.  Your eyes do not deceive you.  Sorbo plays action star, Jan Van Hammer with all the cheese and patriotic fury of the 80's.  I have to revise my opinion of Sorbo's acting ability because it takes real balls to play such an offensive character.  The racism that babbles out of Hammer's mouth will offend and horrify.    The same goes for Danny Trejo who plays a pool cleaning kingpin who loudly proclaims, "My ancestors did not sneak into this country so that the whites can clean their own pools."

Some people have compared this movie to Blaxpoitation parody movie, Black Dynamite.  I think that is an unfair comparison.  See, Blaxpoitation films were awesome and Black Dynamite was a tribute to the awesome.  Poolboy takes aim at the rather loathsome 80's action movie genre and gives it the butt-fucking it deserves.  You might think Poolboy is over the top but my guess is that you haven't seen one of the low budget 80's action movies in awhile.  Those movies were more racist than your average Tea Party Klan meeting.  Poolboy is not a tribute movie, it is an indictment movie.  The fact that it was "created" by a ten year old director tells you everything the real movie creators think about the genre.

A better comparison might be Machete.  In that movie, a Mexican day laborer is hired to assassinate a racist senator.  Shit gets complicated and over the top but at the heart of the movie is a tale of rich white oppression on Mexican poor.  Well, that and knives and hot chicks.  Still, it tells a story about racism using action movie tropes.  Poolboy does the same thing except they are telling it from the point of view of the oppressors.

I watch a lot of shitty movies.  I have seen quite a few movies that pretend to be shitty movies for laughs but end up being even shittier because they are boring.  Poolboy is that rare awesome movie that pretends to be a shitty movie but is actually ten times more entertaining and ten times more thoughtful than the shitty movies it mocks.  I was never bored because the crazy was non-stop ad always funny.  I want to see a hundred more movies from Saint James St. James.

I give it Five out of Five Pam Griers.

Fiction: The Incredible Libido

“Thank you for seeing on such short notice, Dr. Von Madd,” Dr. Vammer said.

“It is my pleasure,” Dr. Von Madd said.  “Please come into my office and tell me what is on your mind.”

Dr. Pamela Vammer sat down and took a deep breath.  Dr. Von Madd took the moment of silence to observe the respected biochemist.  She had changed quite a bit since the last time he saw her.  Her normally short black hair was now longer and fuller.  He didn’t recall her breasts being as large as they were and as it was, they looked like they were stretching apart the material of her blouse.  The long skirt she wore couldn’t hide the shapely legs underneath. 

“As you know, I have been working on a female equivalent to Viagra,” Dr. Vammers said.  “I have been making several breakthroughs in combating unconscious female vaginal tightness.”

“Yes, I read your paper last year,” Dr. Von Madd said.  “Your work is quite revolutionary and if I may say, deserving of a Nobel prize if they accepted the sexual sciences.”

“Please, Doctor,” Dr. Vammers interrupted.  “Your compliments are making it harder for me to keep control.  You know I have always found your work in mass sexual psychology to be quite the turn on.”

One of the buttons burst from her blouse and pinged off of Dr. Von Madd’s purple goggles.  He studied her breasts and marveled at how they had increased a cup size.

“Dr. Vammers, perhaps you should skip to your problem,” Dr. Von Madd said.

“Yes,” Dr. Vammers said.  Her voice was huskier.  Otto found his cock hardening in response.

“I was working on a solution that I thought would be a topical lubricant,” Dr. Vammers said.  She looked at Otto with eyes half closed in arousal.  “I was giving it a bombardment of delta radiation when a lightning storm sent a surge through the building.”

“Oh my, were you hurt?” Dr. Von Madd said.

“Thank you for your concern,” Dr. Vammers said.  Another button flew off her blouse.  A blue tint spread from her checks like a blush down her chest.

“Like I was saying,” Dr. Vammers said as she stood up.  Her skirt ripped from her rapidly widening hips.  She leaned across the desk and her enormous breasts tore through the remains of her blouse.

“I was bathed in the resulting explosion of experimental lubricant and delta radiation.  Now whenever I get aroused, my body goes through these changes until I achieve satisfaction.  When I am changed, my mind is different.  I am a monstrous blue slut.  I am a force of fucking and destruction.  I am so fucking horny right now and you are sitting there with your genius mind and that sexy goatee and those mysterious goggles and I want ride your SCIENCE FACE! NOW GET IN MY PUSSY SEXY MAN!”

Dr. Vammers roared as the change completed itself.  She grew to a height of seven feet.  Her clothes were shredded as giant breasts and hips pushed their way out.  The blue color had spread all over her body and her pubic hair turned a lustrous purple.  The hair on her head grew down her back and had a rich thick shine to it. 

Dr. Von Madd looked at the nude blue giant before him.  “Incredible.”

The blue slut got off the desk and threw it to the side with one hand.  With the other hand she grabbed Otto by his lab coat.  Otto slipped out of his lab coat with a practiced move learned by all Von Madds at an early age.  You never knew when you needed to escape a lab coat.

“Tanya, activate emergency ice beams in my office on my mark!”

“Yes, Doctor,” his security chief answered from his ear piece.

“I AM GOING TO RIDE YOUR SMART FACE!” Dr. Vammers screamed.

Dr. Von Madd calculated that the strength in Dr. Vammer’s thighs would crush his skull precisely 3 seconds after orgasm.  He adjusted that time to one and a half seconds if he did that trick with his tongue.

He also ducked out of his office and screamed “Mark!”

Automatic frost lasers came to life and fired at Dr. Vammers.  Bio-sensitive targeting arrays directed the frost beams to start on Dr. Vammer’s pussy before spreading to the rest of her body.  In seconds she was covered in ice.

“What’s going on Doctor?” Tanya asked on the radio.  “Did we have another outbreak of spontaneous nymphomania?”

“Not this time, Tanya,” Dr. Von Madd said.  “Dr. Vammers is in my officer with an increased body mass and the libido to match.”

The ice around Dr. Vammers started to crack.  Her blue breasts shook with rage under the ice.  Otto could feel the piercing lust of her glowing red eyes.

“Should I mobilize the Rapid Monster Response Team?” Tanya asked. 

“No,” Dr. Von Madd said.  He turned to run as the ice shattered in his office.

“I AM GOING TO BREAK YOUR DICK OFF INSIDE ME!” Dr. Vammers yelled.

Dr. Von Madd ran down the corridor.  Tanya was pouting over his earpiece.

“You never let me use the Rapid Monster Response Team!” Tanya said.  It was always a turn on for Dr. Von Madd when the normally tough blonde was petulant.  “You wouldn’t let me use them on that orgy blob that came to life last week.  You wouldn’t let me use them when the sex robot from the future attacked yesterday and you wouldn’t let me use them when the flying vibrators came to life this morning!”

Dr. Von Madd slapped a control and watched the steel door drop behind him.  A second later, a hole appeared in the door as Dr. Vammers’ fist punched through it.

“SEXY FACE NEEDS TO STOP RUNNING!” Dr. Vammers yelled.

Dr. Von Madd kept running.  He also answered Tanya’s complaints. 

“Tanya, the orgy blob was made of a trapped scientists and relaxation specialists.  I had to dissolve the blob, not pump it full of bullets.  The killer sex robot from the future was a gift from an unknown admirer in the future and the flying vibrators just needed someone to accept their status as sentient beings.  None of those things require violence and Dr. Vammers certainly does not as well.”

“I disagree,” Tanya said.  Her pouty tone was doing distracting things to Dr. Von Madd’s growing erection. 

“Please inform Protective Engineering that I will be there shortly and to get the Gauntlet ready,” Dr. Von Madd said.  “Also apply nipple clamps to both nipples and leave them there until I say otherwise for being a whiny security chief.”

“Ohhh,” Tanya moaned.  It was hard to tell if the moan was of shame of the assessment, dread of the nipple clamps or just plain arousal.  It was most likely all three.

“I’M GOING TO FUCK YOU DRY!” Dr. Vammers yelled behind him.  The wide hips and long legs were gaining on him.  Fortunately the large breasts were not aerodynamic and he was grateful for any small advantage he could get.

Dr. Von Madd slapped an emergency button as he ran by it.  Steel cables sprang from the walls in a complex net of tension and metal.  It was designed to hold back a sex crazed mob.

Dr. Vammers tore through it in six seconds.

“STOP RUNNING DICKMEAT!” Dr. Vammers yelled.

On Dr. Von Madd’s earpiece, Tanya moaned as the nipple clamps bit into her sensitive nipples.

Dr. Von Madd burst through the doors of Protective Engineering.  A very distressed Dr. Zuna handed him the Gauntlet.

“What’s going on Doctor?” Dr. Zuna asked.

“You should leave through the emergency slide,” Dr. Von Madd said.  “Unless you fancy being raped to death by a seven foot tall blue woman."

Dr. Zuna scratched his beard and considered it.  “Ah, I’ll go through the emergency slide.”

“Good man,” Dr. Von Madd said.  He examined the glove.  The Gauntlet was as thin as a latex glove but it was constructed of rare metals and a powerful forcefield.  It was designed to protect delicate fingers during anal play.  Sadly, it cost a million dollars per unit at the moment.

“Sure you don’t want a team of some sort?” Tanya asked.  Her voice was strained and her breathing was heavy.  The clamps had been preset by Dr. Von Madd to an appropriate punishing level.

“All I need to change the world is a finger and a place to insert it,” Dr. Von Madd said.

The door to the laboratory was ripped from its frame.  Dr. Vammers ducked through the door and growled at Dr. Von Madd.  She grabbed a massive tit in one hand and squeezed herself.

“TIME TO FUCK LITTLE SCIENCE MAN!”

Dr. Von Madd made an adjustment to the forcefeild generator on the Gauntlet.  “I agree.”

He thrust his gloved hand towards Dr. Vanner’s thick pubic hair.  Her cunt was soaking wet and took Dr. Von Madd’s fist easily.  The suction of her cunt pulled his fist in to his wrist.

“FUCK!” Dr. Vanners moaned.

“Fuck,” Tanya said in agreement over his earpiece.

“Now we will,” Dr. Von Madd said.  The Gauntlet began to vibrate.  The force fields were slightly out of synchronization and were vibrating against one another.  The conflict of fields was shaking Dr. Vammers’ entire body.

“YES YES YES!” Dr. Vammers yelled.

Dr. Von Madd twisted his fist inside Dr, Vammers’ body.

“FUCK FUCK FUCK!” Dr. Vammers yelled.

Dr. Von Madd wiggled his fist in a manner he learned from a Russian exchange intern.

“OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD!”

Dr. Von Madd lifted his head and bit down on one of Dr. Vammers’ hard blue nipples.

“CHRIST!” Dr. Vammers yelled.

There was an explosion of light as mass was rapidly converted to energy.  Dr. Von Madd pulled his fist out just before Dr. Vammers’ body began to shrink.  He watched as Dr. Vammer shrank down to the five foot three woman that he had long admired.  Her short shortened, her breasts shrunk and her hips collapsed.  Oddly, her pubic hair was still nice and thick.

Dr. Vammers collapsed to the floor and started snoring.

“Tanya, arrange for a security team to take Dr. Vammers to the Cold Shower Room,” Dr. Von Madd said.  “I want her under surveillance and a full time medical staff assigned to her care.”

“Yes, Doctor,” Tanya replied.  “And umm, Doctor?  Can I take the nipple clamps off?  I am really sorry that I was whiney earlier.”

“No you may not,” Dr. Von Madd said.  “I will take them off myself.  Dr. Vammers may have climaxed but I have not.  Make sure you are naked except for your nipple clamps by the time I get to your office.”

“Yes, Doctor.”

BDSM Beach for Sale

BDSM Beach, my adorable story about first time submissive college students going to Cancun to be submissives on Spring Break is available for purchase at Kindle.  You may have read it on the blog back in 2007 but now you have a convenient way to read it on your Kindle.  

Even better, you can go to amazon and leave your review of this heart warming tale of spanking, masturbation, exhibitionism and lots of girls talk late at night.

Professor Rios Needs You

Ladies, gentlemen and podcast viewers, welcome to my presentation.  I am Professor Rios and I am about to embark on a fantastic journey. Even more amazing, I am inviting you to come along!

What if I told you that man was not the only civilization on Earth?  What if I told you that there was another civilization coexisting alongside us?  What if I told you that this civilization not only existed, but thrived!  Now imagine that this secret thriving undiscovered civilization was made up of beautiful cat-women?

It's all true!  In 1958, Sir Hillary brought back stone slabs from his expedition to Antarctica.  Scientists who studied the slabs thought that the scrawls were just random erosion left by ice and penguins.  I however have studied the slabs and have made a startling discovery!  Using certain French occultist books as my guide, I have translated the slabs and can now share that knowledge with you!

The slabs speak of a wise race of ferocious women that are half cat, half sex crazed nymphomaniac.  They reside inside a mountain that is warmed by fortunate volcanic streams.  The terrifying women are covered in soft fur and equipped with claws that could slice through a seal.  These strange women feed on giant antarctic mice that live in their mountain.  They also apparently have the sexual appetite of spring break students on their fifth margarita.  

There were some translation difficulties with the slabs.  For example,  I am not entirely sure how a race of cat-women breed and I am only 95% sure that the cat-women do not in fact have penises.   I am also unsure as to what the slabs are talking about when they refer to the "Great Baiting".  Still, what we have learned is an amazing discovery! 

Ladies, gentlemen and podcast viewers, I intend to find these bizarre women.  I shall launch an expedition this summer to discover their mountain lair.  I shall engage in friendly diplomatic overtures and establish communication between our species!  I shall learn as much as I can about their culture, their beliefs and their history.  I shall also mate with as many of them as I can.

Funding has already been provided by that great scientists and philanthropist, Dr. Otto Von Madd.   All I need now is some brave souls to accompany me.  That's right, I need you!

Specifically, I need some experienced Antarctic explorers to help with the trip.  I shall also need biologists, historians, and an anthropologist.  I also plan to take some dominatrixes along to help with communications as well as a sex blogger or two to help chronicle our exploits.  I also find that in expeditions of this nature it pays to bring along a plucky college student or two that we can trade to the natives.

The expedition begins July 1st so send in your applications now!

Fiction: Cultural Investigations

Explorer’s Log: I have arrived at the star system designated Queen’s Firm Breasts by Royal Astronomers.  Initial scans have revealed an orbiting station around the largest gas planet.  I have detected no other signs of technology so I am assuming that they are an outpost.  I will initiate contact and begin relationships with this new species.  End Explorer’s Log.

Explorer’s Personal Log: I pray to the Gods of Night that this species is humanoid and possessing something approximate to a cock.  It would be nice to fuck something biological for a change.

Vaquel Di waited impatiently for the airlock to open.  She was eager to meet a new sentient race and even more eager to have people admire the skintight pink spacesuit she was wearing.  The suit adhered to every curve of her generous breasts, as well as every inch of her plump ass.  She didn’t wear her helmet this time so her short pink hair bounced freely around her cute brown face.  Vaquel was ready to meet the fuck out of some new people.

The airlock finally opened.  Behind the door were three humanoids that towered above her.  Each one was twice the height of Vaquel.  If Vaquel’s dark skin was a shade of brown, the only way to describe their skin was to say it was as black as a starless night.  They possessed slender bodies with arms and legs as thin as Vaquel’s wrists.  The only thing large about them was their heads, which were a curious square shape with three eyes and a delicate small mouth.  The red spacesuits they wore were baggy and didn’t reveal any secrets about their anatomy.

Vaquel stepped into their station.  The room was some sort of cargo hold and Vaquel wondered what was in all of the crates.  She also noticed that the aliens didn’t appear to carry anything.  Could they be so trusting as to not bring any weapons?  Vaquel was carrying five weapons in her utility belt alone. 

“Welcome” the tallest alien said.  He spoke in an archaic form of Calibri.  “We welcome you to our small mining station and wish you long life and happy breaths.”

“Thank you,” Vaquel responded.  She was fluent in thirty different galactic languages.  “I accept your welcome on behalf of Queen Erishella of Euphoria.  May your pleasure never end.”

“I am unfamiliar with Euphoria,” the lead alien said.  “Are they a friendly people?”

“Very friendly,” Vaquel lied.  Deep Space Explorers were taught to omit discussing the likelihood of an Euphorian invasion fleet when meeting new species.

“That is good for we Murs are a peaceful race of explorers and scientists,” the alien said.

Vaquel smiled.  Peaceful science races were always highly sought by the Queen for conquest.  They put up just enough of a fight to keep it interesting. 

“My name is Vaquel Di,” she said.

“I am Go-et, and this is my spawn brother, Ce-et and this is my other spawn brother, De-et.”

“It is nice to meet all of you,” Vaquel said.  “It is great to meet a new species.  I will be happy to answer any of your questions.”

The one called Ce-et licked his lips.  Vaquel noticed that he had three tongues.  A tremor of delight ran through her.

“Are those large things on your chest, breasts?” Ce-et asked.

“Ce-et!” Go-et said, outraged.

“I was thinking the same thing!” De-et said.  “But they are so big and she only has two of them!”

Vaquel laughed.  “Yes, these are my breasts.  Does your race not have them this big?”

“No,” Ce-et and De-et sighed together.

“Excuse my spawn-brothers,” Go-et said.  “They are younger and this is their first meeting with another race.  They do not understand cultural protocols.”

“It is no problem,” Vaquel said.  “In fact, in the interest of cultural exchange, I can show you my breasts if you like?”

“Sweet Spawn-River, yes!” Ce-et said.

“Well, I am not sure,” Go-et said.

“It is no problem,” Vaquel said.  She pressed a button on the color of her suit.  A seam appeared from her neck down to her waist.  Vaquel gently pulled the seam to the side until one of her heavy breasts was revealed.  All three Murs sighed in wonder.

“It is so . . .big,” Ce-et said.

“As big as my head,” De-et said.

“Act like adults, spawn-brothers!” Ge-et said.  Vaquel noticed that all three of Ge-et’s eyes hadn’t left her breast.

“You can touch me if you like,” Vaquel said.  “For our mutual cultural knowledge of course.”

The younger spawn-brothers looked to Ge-et.  He tangled his slender fingers together in thought.

“In the interest of mutual cultural knowledge, I accept,” Ge-et said. 

Ge-et squatted down on legs that had five knees.  He lowered himself but he was still a head taller than Vaquel.  He reached for her breast and gave her a tender squeeze.  His nine fingers each had seven joints and they squeezed like a vice on her breast.

“Ohh!” Vaquel said.  He squeezed much tighter than she was expecting.  She liked it.

“Ohh!” Go-et said.  “They are much softer than Mur fem’s breasts.”

“Share spawn-brother!” Ce-et said.

“Here,” Vaquel said.  She pulled her spacesuit further apart and exposed her other breast.  “Have one for yourself.”

Ce-et happily squatted beside her.  He ran his nine fingers over her breast and traced the curve of her breast. Nimble fingers danced over her sensitive nipple.

“What is it like?” De-et asked.  His three tongues licked his lips constantly.

“Like a pillow pumped with argon gas,” Ce-et said in a dreamy tone of voice.  His fingers squeezed and felt the weight of her breast.  “I don’t know how spawn ever leave their children if they had this to suckle from.”

“The nipple appears to be getting harder,” Ge-et said.  His skilled fingers pinched and tweaked her nipple.  “Are you in distress?”

“No,” Vaquel moaned.  “It is a sign of arousal.”

“How curious,” De-et said.  “Let me feel them!”

Ge-et pulled his hand away and De-et took his place.  His fingers pulled on her breast and groped her with an eager curiosity.

“I don’t mind that she only has two breasts!” De-et said.  “The nipple is harder than a furyk!”

“If you want to see it really hard,” Vaquel said, “try licking my nipple with those three tongues of yours.”

Both Ce-et and De-et took her up on her offer.  They both sealed their mouths to her nipples.  She felt the rapid flicks of their multiple tongues and grabbed the back of their heads.

“By the Queen!” Vaquel called out.

“Are my spawn-brothers hurting you?” Ge-et said.  “I can get them to stop!”

“Fuck, no!” Vaquel said.  “I just wanted ready for how fucking nice it felt.”

Ge-et tangled his fingers together as he watched Vaquel’s breasts get sucked.  His three eyes narrowed and his tongues licked his lips.  Vaquel looked at the rest of his body but she saw nothing growing or otherwise betraying sexual arousal. 

After too short of a time, Ge-et spoke up.  “That is enough, spawn-brothers,” Ge-et said.  “We don’t want to infringe on our guest’s openness.”

Ce-et and De-et reluctantly raised their heads from her breasts.  De-et flicked her nipple with his finger and smiled.  “They are quite hard now.”

“Yes they are,” Vaquel said.  “But I am also curious about your bodies.  As males, what do you use as a genetic material depositor?”

“Is she talking about our furyk?” Ce-et asked.

“Yes, I think she is,” Ge-et said.  “I shall show you, Vaquel Di, in the interest of cultural exchange of course.”

“Of course,” Vaquel said.

Ge-et unfastened some buttons around his waist.  He dropped his pants, a secondary set of pants and then a third set of pants.  When he was finally naked below the waist, he stood back up to his full towering height.

Vaquel examined the alien appendage before her.  It certainly looked like a cock.  It was the right shape and all.  It was a shame that it was only four inches long.  At least the three balls gave her hope that he had a sex drive to compensate for the small equipment.

“Is this similar to your anatomy?” Ge-et asked.

“Close enough,” Vaquel said. 

“In the interests of further knowledge between our races,” Ce-et began.  “I think you should uh, do something similar.”

“Yes, show us your phuva!” De-et asked.

“Spawn-brothers!” Ge-et said.

“No, he’s right,” Vaquel said.  “You’ll have to let go of my breasts first.” 

Both of the aliens reluctantly let go of her breasts.  Vaquel smiled as nine eyes watched her.  After months of being alone, she was basking in the attention.  A simple button press could remove her spacesuit but she opted for the longer method.  She activated a hidden seam and slowly pulled her spacesuit from her hips.  Inch by inch, she pulled the pink material back until her waist was exposed.  Ever so slowly, she pulled it down past her knees.  She stood back up and ran her fingers through the thick bush of pink pubic hair. 

Ge-et’s knees folded again as he squatted down beside his spawn-brothers.  All three of them stared at her sex. 

“Thank the Spawn-River that there is hair,” Ce-et said.  “I was almost afraid that it would be bare.”

“I know!” De-et agreed.  “It looks tiny but it is still a phuva.”

“May I touch it?” Ge-et asked.

The spawn-brothers looked at Ge-et in surprise.

“Of course,” Vaquel said.  “Our races need to learn about each other.”

Ge-et reached out with his nine fingers.  They gently pushed through her pubic hair and felt along the edges of her sex. 

“I can feel the heat radiating from it,” Ge-et said.  His spawn-brothers licked their lips in anticipation.

“Go on, slip your fingers inside,” Vaquel said.

Ge-et pushed his way in.  “Cocu!  It is so tight!  Like pushing into a fem’s rectal orifice!”

Ce-et moaned with approval.  De-et frowned.  “You don’t push solid waste through there, do you?”

“Nope,” Vaquel said.  “Is it comparable to what your females have?”

Ge-et nodded his head slowly.  “Yours is tighter and warmer, but fundamentally the same.”  His fingers pushed a little deeper.

“I want to feel!” Ce-et said.

“Me too!” De-et said.

Ge-et pulled his fingers out.  “I am not sure, spawn-brothers.  We are just gas miners at a minor outpost.  Perhaps we should consult the Elders and await better experts to continue cultural investigations.”

“Or,” Vaquel said, “the three of you could take turns sticking your, what did you call it? Furyk?”

“Our furyk,” Ce-et said wistfully. 

“Yes, you could stick your furyk inside me and we can discover things about our races for ourselves.

The spawn-brothers looked to Ge-et.  The elder spawn-brother stood up to his full height.  He looked down at Vaquel while his three tongues cleaned his finger of her juices.

“As members of the Mur race, it would be our duty to carry out this investigation.”

“Sweet Spawn-River!” Ce-et and De-et cried out in unison.

“Ce-et, ready the fem!” Ge-et said.

Ce-et stepped behind Vaquel and bent over to pick her up.  Her reached around and grabbed her breasts to pick her up.  The multiple joints in his arms folded around her body to form a comfortable cradle.  Vaquel groaned as his fingers molded themselves back around her tits.  Ge-et was quick to grab her hips and his arms folded around her legs to hold her.

Ge-et stepped between Vaquel’s thighs and pressed his furyk against her sex.  The slender appendage slipped right in between her lips. 

Ge-et’s three eyes rolled into the back of his head.  Vaquel smirked.  She could barely feel him yet he was in bliss.  She wondered how the Mur women ever found sexual satisfaction.

That was when she felt his furyk vibrate.

“Queen’s tit!” Vaquel cried out.  The vibrations were much stronger than she thought possible from such a slender appendage.   

Ge-et grunted and began to fuck her.  His hips slammed into her with a speed more appropriate to small herbivores.  The multiple joints in his legs and back worked together like a spring to snap his furyk back and forth inside her.

“Yes, yes, yes!” Vaquel called out. 

Ce-et gripped her tits tighter.  “I can’t wait for my turn.  My furyk is about to explode!”

“Turn me over,” Vaquel said.  “Let my me taste your furyk.”

Ge-et and Ce-et rotated Vaquel in a split second.  One moment she was looking up at the ceiling and the next she was bent over and getting fucked from behind.  Ce-et’s pants were around his ankles and his furyk was bouncing against her chin.  Ce-et’s hands held her up by her breasts.

Vaquel took Ce-et’s manhood into her mouth.  He tasted sweeter than she was expecting.  His furyk vibrated to life in her mouth.  Itr wasn’t easy to lick something that was vibrating but Vaquel sucked him anyway.  He was the first real erection that she had had in her mouth for weeks and she was going to do her damn best.

“What is it like?” De-et asked.

“Pretty good!” Ce-et said.  “I don’t mind that she only has one tongue!”

Ge-et grunted.  Vaquel felt a flush of hot alien seed fill her cunt.  To her surprise, he was still hard and he kept going.

“My turn!” De-et said.  Ge-et pulled out and handed Vaquel’s legs to his spawn-brother.  A moment later, De-et was fucking her with the same intensity.

Vaquel wondered how long the spawn-brothers had been at this gas mining station.  She wondered if they had gone as long without sex as she had.  Thirty seconds of getting her cunt pounded by De-et, and Vaquel stopped thinking about pretty much anything.

Ce-et came in her mouth.  If she thought his furyk was sweet then his ejaculate tasted like liquid candy.  Vaquel swallowed him with ease.

There was another exchange and this time Ce-et passed Vaquel’s torso to Ge-et.  She barely had enough time to finish swallowing Ce-et’s seed when Ge-et slipped his furyk between her lips. 

Vaquel was amused that the Mur was ready to keep going already.  What they lacked in girth and length, they sure as fuck made up for in endurance.  Ge-et’s fingers gripped her tits painfully tight as he thrust his furyk into her mouth.  The Mur fucked her mouth like he hadn’t just climaxed minutes ago.

De-et fucked her with a frenzy that matched his spawn-brother.  Vaquel’s thighs became sore from all the pounding but she didn’t want him to stop.  Months of fucking dildoes, vibrators, weird plant life and the occasional space anomaly couldn’t substitute for one good cunt fucking from a living being.

Hands gripped her ass.  Impossibly long fingers squeezed and kneaded her buttocks.  Vaquel figured it was Ce-et groping her ass.  When one of his fingers slipped into her asshole, she choked on Ge-et’s furyk.  The nimble finger pushed and poked into her tightest place.

Vaquel climaxed.  She moaned her delight with Ge-et’s furyk in her mouth.  Her cunt clenched tighter around De-et’s vibrating furyk.  Ce-et pushed deeper into her clenching ass.  Her body was completely filled and Vaquel couldn’t be happier.

The furyk in her mouth exploded with more sweet liquid.  The furyk in her cunt erupted and filled her cunt with more alien seed.  She barely had time to swallow it all before the spawn-brothers were changing position again.  Now Ce-et was in her cunt while De-et moved to her mouth.  Ge-et took over probing her ass with nimble fingers.

“How many times do you climax?” Vaquel said.

“Three, of course,” De-et said.  “Doesn’t everyone?”

“Of course,” Vaquel said and put his furyk back in her mouth.  Three times!  Each!

Vaquel was looking forward to a long period of cultural exchanging.    

Fuckstarter: Bob's Lapdance

About this project: Bob Johnson got divorced this year and the fucking idiot is still missing his bitch ex-wife.  The woman had his balls in a jar and didn't fuck him for three years and he still misses the she-devil.  We, his concerned friends, need to show the dumb fuck that there are other women out there.  Hell, there are women out there who will let him touch their boob without complaining about how the patriarchy is ruining the lives of women.

The goal of this Fuckstarter is to get Bob some ass.  There is a strip club nearby but Bob is terrified that his mother who lives goddamn three states away will somehow find out about it.  Gary has done some scouting and says that he met a stripper that is willing to do a house call.  The stripper, Kayln, is demanding the money upfront.

Our Goal: One Hundred Dollars.

Pledge One Dollar: A buck would be greatly appreciated and if you are ever in town, we'll buy you a beer.

Pledge 10 Dollars: Now we're talking!  Ten dollars gets you a picture of Kaylan in her bikini taken with our digital phone.

Pledge 25 Dollars: That gets you a picture of Kaylan's tits before Bob slobbers all over them.  Unless you like slobber.

Pledge 50 Dollars: We will use Mike's laptop camera to record the whole lapdance show.

Pledge 100 Dollars: Fuck dude, we will get you Kaylan's panties.

Stretch Goal of 150 Dollars: Kaylan said for fifty dollars more, she'll give Bob a handjob.  Come on, the dude went three years with his wife refusing to touch his dick.  The dude needs some loving.  We'll give everyone who contributed a DVD of Gary's amateur porn videos that he recorded with that freaky redhead that he dated last year.

Stretch Goal of 200 Dollars: Kaylan said that for two hundred dollars, she would suck Bob's dick.  For that, everyone gets the OKCupid name of that freaky redhead.

Stretch Goal of 400 Dollars : Kaylan is willing to actually fuck Bob if we get this amount of money.  We don't have anything else we can give you but come on, Bob really needs to get some.  Help a brother out.