Fiction: Menage a Tentacle

Explorer’s Log: I have finally left the star system designated Bounce of the Queen’s Ass, by Royal Astronomers. It took two weeks of dodging Squix patrol ships and traveling under FTL speeds but I finally left behind those crazy promiscuous artificial intelligences. I just hope those fuckers aren’t following me.

Due to damage inflicted on my Deep Space Probe by a horny Squix ship, I am heading towards a small asteroid field. These rogue asteroids are in the middle of space outside of any star system so I plan to make my repairs in peace. Once I have repaired the ship, I will set course towards the star system designated Queen’s Firm Breasts by Royal Astronomers. End Explorer’s Log.

Explorer’s Personal Log: Great. There are few things duller than making repairs on an asteroid. While I am making replacement plates for the ship, I might as well carve myself a new dildo to replace the one I broke.

Vaquel Di checked the Easy-Fabricate Plate Oven. The red light was still on. That meant the oven was still melting and molding the minerals placed within into a handy hull plate for the Deep Space Probe. The hull plates were only as large as Vaquel’s areole and the gaping hole in her ship was as large as one of Vaquel’s heavy tits. After two hours, she had made three hull plates.

“This is going to take forever,” Vaquel said. She stood up and stretched. The dim light of the camp lamp illuminated the tight pink space suit that clung to every curve of her voluptuous body. The glassteel bubble encased her head but revealed her cute brown face with her cuter short pink hair. Vaquel knew that she looked good enough to fuck but since this was an asteroid in the middle of space, there wasn’t a damn soul around to appreciate what she had going on.

Vaquel looked up at the stars and wondered just how far away a good fuck really was. Space was huge and Vaquel couldn’t shake the thought that it might me light years before she found something with a cock.

Something grabbed her foot and pulled. The low gravity of the asteroid meant Vaquel fell to the ground in slow motion. It gave her plenty of time to see the ugly blue tentacle that was wrapped around her ankle.

“Oh I got something for you,” Vaquel said. She reached for the vibration blade she carried on her belt. She clicked on the switch and the blade vibrated at the rate of a thousand pulses per second. It was designed to cut shit up.

The blue tentacle glowed and Vaquel gasped. It felt like a skilled masseuse was massaging Vaquel’s foot and after weeks of space travel, it felt damn good. Even better was the sensation of kisses that rained on her ankle. An invisible lover was kissing her foot with adoration and Vaquel shivered with delight.

“This isn’t so bad,” Vaquel said. The tentacle started to drag her across the ground and Vaquel reconsidered. No tentacle ever dragged Vaquel somewhere good. She decided to cut this experience short, figuratively and literally.

As she bent down to reach the tentacle, more blue tentacles appeared. One wrapped around her thigh. Another tentacle wrapped around the wrist that was holding the vibration blade. A third tentacle wrapped around her chest and squeezed her tightly packed breasts.

When all four tentacles glowed, Vaquel cried out in pleasure. She was awash in sensations. Her wrist felt like she was fisting a very tight woman’s cunt. Her thigh felt the hungry nibbles of a flirty lover. Her breasts were groped and mauled by too many hands to count.

“Queen’s tits!” Vaquel moaned. The vibration blade dropped from her fingers and she didn’t care. The tentacles dragged her further along the ground of the asteroid and the only thing Vaquel was worried about was how to get a tentacle across her sex. She couldn’t wait to see what sensations that would produce.

The tentacles came from a hole in the ground and Vaquel saw that the hole was getting bigger. More tentacles came out and grabbed her. One wrapped around her free hand she felt like someone had placed a large cock in her hand. Another tentacle wrapped her neck and she experienced a thousand kisses at once.

The ground broke apart as something large pulled itself up. A massive blue slug emerged and peered at her with a giant purple eye.

“Come on!” Vaquel yelled. “Give me another tentacle! Right around my cunt!”

The blue monster sent another tentacle her way. It wrapped tightly around her hips and coiled down to her thighs. Vaquel wondered if the creature understood her and maybe she should try to make more formal contact. Once the sensations started however, Vaquel couldn’t give a fuck about alien contact protocols.

She was felt her cunt penetrated by a perfect cock. Her ass was squeezed by the tentacles but it was also squeezed by demanding hands. She felt a mouth on her clitoris while a relentless cock pumped in and out of her. Another cock entered her ass while at the same time she felt a tongue licking her asshole.

“Glory to the Queen!” Vaquel screamed as she climaxed.

The blue monster screamed too. An opening appeared under its eye that was ringed with sharp teeth. The lack of an atmosphere stopped any sound from being heard from the creature but the shaking of it’s lips sure looked like screaming. The mouth kept opening and teeth kept appearing until the mouth was large enough to swallow Vaquel whole.

“Oh shit,” Vaquel said. She tried to reach for her belt but the damn tentacles held her tight. They were also sending her more sensations which made it awfully hard to concentrate.

Vaquel groaned as the cock in her cunt began to vibrate. She struggled to pull her hands free as the tentacles made her feel like each hand was pressed against a soft pliant breast. She twisted in the grip of the tentacles as her nipples felt like they were being playfully bitten. Vaquel climaxed again as she felt her cunt get eaten by four eager mouths.

The blue monster opened its mouth wider and Vaquel could see the many, many, many jagged teeth that were waiting for her.

“Deep Space Probe Ship!” Vaquel yelled inside her glassteel helmet. “Engage Thrusters!”

“Anchoring Lock is still activated,” the helm computer responded. “Would you like to reconsider your command?”

The blue monster’s tongue was reaching for her. She was only a few feet away from it.

“Fuck no!” Vaquel yelled. “Engage! Engage!”

The Deep Space Probe Ship activated the engines. Since it was still locked to the asteroid’s surface, the ship didn’t go anywhere but the ground wasn’t so lucky. The asteroid groaned and fissures appeared as the seismic stress increased.

The blue monster shook as well. The tentacles released her as it used the tentacles to steady itself from falling back into the hole it came from.

Vaquel drifted slowly back to the ground. Her fingers latched onto the fragmentation grenades that were standard issue for every explorer. She tossed the marble sized grenades into the still gaping mouth of the tentacle monster and then dove for cover.

She had forgotten about the low gravity. The monster exploded while she was still in the air. Monster chunks smacked into her and she bounced twice off the surface of the asteroid. Vaquel wasn’t hurt but it was a less than glamorous way to survive an encounter.

“Disengage engines” Vaquel yelled. The ship obeyed and the asteroid tremors stopped.

Vaquel picked herself off the ground and wiped monster goo off her suit. She had another wet spot inside her suit from all the imagined fucking but that would have to wait.

“What the fuck did that thing even eat?” Vaquel asked out loud. “Does it just want for people to land on it? What the fuck kind of life is that?”

“Beep!” It was a message from the Easy-Fabricate Plate Oven. Her next hull plate was finished. She only had another twenty seven to make.

Vaquel returned to the Easy-Fabricate Plate Oven and took out the finished plate. She added some more raw minerals. The explorer sat with her back to the oven with her laser pistol in hand. If any more tentacles came for her, she would see them coming.

Whether she would shoot them right away is something she was still considering.

Chemo Day Again

Round two of chemo begins today. It is the same procedure as last time except they expect the side effects to be worse because my body hasn't had time to recover from the last bout.

I don't have the fear that I had last time. I have seen the side effects and they suck, but it is not anything insurmountable. Having said that, I admit to outright dreading the experience of feeling like shit again. My productivity was awful and my general desire to lay in bed and pretend I didn't exist was quite high. The last few days I have been feeling almost my old self and it has been a nice feeling. Too bad it is over already.

On the plus side, they have really comfortable chairs at the chemo place. I will also most likely be the youngest person there again, which cheers up all the older patients. I can see the look on their faces. They are like "Shit, at least I got cancer when I was an old fart, not like that poor bastard there."

Fiction: The Spanking Files

Danielle Waters couldn’t sit still. The hard wood chair she was sitting in was certainly not made with human comfort in mind. Her round bottom spilled over the tiny seat and it felt like something large was trying to press up into her ass.

The monk sitting across from her scowled. Father Stern didn’t appear happy at all. She didn’t take it personal. He had been scowling since she first met him. He kept tugging at the brown cloth of his robe as if it was annoying the shit out of him.

When he tugged at his robes, Danielle got a very good look at the massive arms of Father Stern. He was built like a body builder. Danielle had some pretty vivid thoughts of how it would feel to be fucked by a guy that muscular. She was sure that thinking dirty thoughts about a monk was a sin but it wasn’t stopping her.

“Sure, I could make a database for you,” Danielle said. “Although from what you told me, your order has bought fifty new computers and they should all have basic database programs on them.”

“Unacceptable,” Father Stern said. “We don’t have time to learn the toys of the outside world. We know what sins and decadence exists out there, oh yes we do! I want a program so that my monks can enter in information and then that information is stored. Period.”

“Okay,” Danielle said. “I can do that. Just tell me what are recording and I will make a program.” She didn’t add that she was going to charge him double her usual rate. People who didn’t have basic computer skills never blinked at paying a little extra. It might be unethical but shit, Danielle was saving up for a trip to Miami.

“Write these down,” Father Stern said. He didn’t wait for her to finish getting out her notebook before he began listing the fields he needed.

“Name of the guilty, the crime they committed, the date and time of their crime, the penance required and whether the penance was administered.”

Danielle blinked. “What kind of monastery is this again?”

“The Order of the Scarlet Monks does not answer the questions of outsiders,” Father Stern said.

“O-kay,” Danielle said. “You know, I could write this program in about an hour. It will cost a little extra if you want me to do it now.”

To her delight, Father Stern nodded in approval. Oh, she was so going to soak these monks for as much as she could.

“You will create your program on this computer here,” Father Stern said. “There is a bathroom across the hall. You are forbidden from seeing the other parts of the monastery.”

He got up and left. Danielle was amused. Maybe his order took a vow of celibacy to go with their vow of scowling.

She moved to his chair and found it just as uncomfortable as the one she just left. The desk was unusually high and she had to almost stand to use the keyboard. Who makes a desk that sits at waist height?

Danielle finished the program in fifteen minutes. She used another client’s program as a template and just modified it a bit. Technically the program was intellectual property for a real estate company but how the fuck would they know?

She finished the program and sighed. She had to kill a lot more time to justify her inflated fee. Oh well, she might as well use the bathroom. Hopefully the toilet seats were better designed.

Danielle walked into the hallway and looked for the bathroom. A familiar noise echoed down the hallway. It was a wet sound and something about it made Danielle wet between the thighs. She tried to place the sound but it was eluding her like it was on the tip of her tongue.

She slowly walked down the hallway. The sound multiplied. Whatever that sound was, a lot of people were doing it.

An open doorway revealed a small room. Sitting at his desk was a naked man stroking his cock. He used his left hand to stroke and his right hand to write. Danielle was amazed at his dexterity. He was stroking and writing at the same time. In her experience, men usually only had enough brain power to do the stroking.

Ah! That was the sound! It was the sound of a well lubricated cock being jacked off. Danielle hadn’t heard that sound since she lived at her college co-ed dorm. Wait, were monks allowed to jack it?

The man was mumbling something but Danielle couldn’t catch it. She was afraid he would notice her so she quickly moved down the hall.

She peeked in another open doorway. This naked man was black but he was doing the same amazing act of multi-tasking. Danielle watched in fascination as he paused to spit in his hand before he resumed writing. He was mumbling something too but Danielle couldn’t tell what it was.

“Jesus Christ,” Danielle moaned. Was everyone jacking and writing? She checked another doorway.

Yep, a naked short guy with huge arms was writing and stroking.

She checked another doorway. A naked bald man with massive arms was stroking his meat and writing with a pen.

Danielle checked seven more doorways and found seven more guys doing the same thing. What the hell was going on? How did they keep stroking and not climax? What was so fucking important that they had to keep writing while playing with themselves? What the fuck were they all mumbling?

Danielle had to know. She approached one of them that had his back to his doorway. Step by step, she moved as quietly as she could. Bending over to hear better, she made sure to avoid touching his constantly moving shoulders.

“Brittany Everts on March 21st, masturbated while thinking of her husband’s best friend. 20 spanks and she was not punished.”

“Well this is odd,” Danielle thought. She kept listening.

“Jessica Renoylds on March 21st, flirted and talked dirty to her boyfriend knowing full well that he would have no time to fuck her today. 30 spanks and she was not punished.”

Danielle smiled. Maybe the monks were writing kinky porn. It seemed awfully spanking oriented. Maybe they were a Catholic order.”

“Danielle Waters on March 21st overcharged the Order of the Scarlet Monks for easy work. She also ignored the limitations that was placed on her and spied on the Scarlet Monks as they did their recording. 100 spanks and she will be punished.

Danielle jumped back in fear. The monk stopped stroking and turned to face her. He scowled at her.

“Spying harlot!” the monk yelled. “Excessive biller of services!”

Danielle ran into the hallway. The monks were waiting for her. In front of them was Father Stern. He was naked and his hard cock waved at her in a threatening manner.

“I knew you had the mark of wickedness in you!” Father Stern said. “Is it not written in the Blue Book of Blue Balls, ‘Women just can’t do what they are told’?”

“What are you crazy fucks doing?” Danielle said.

“You wouldn’t understand,” Father Stern said. “How could you understand that the time of the Apocafuck is nearly upon us? How could you know that the Great Spanker of Asses will descend from the Heavens and use his nine and sixty paddles to punish the wicked? Would you believe me if I told you that the Scarlet Monks write the sins of all women so that when the Great Spanker of Asses returns, he will use our files to punish the unworthy? We are the keepers of the Spanking Files and through our meditations, self sacrifice and constant masturbation, we tap into the secret magics that let us spy on all the women who commit sin.”

“Just the women?” Danielle said. “That’s awfully sexist!”

Father Stern waved her argument aside. “The Order of the Scarlet Nuns handles the sins of men. The wicked will be punished, don’t you worry!”

“Okay,” Danielle said. “I believe in religious freedom and all. How about you pay me, and by that I mean you pay me what I should have charged you, and I’ll go home and wait for the Great Spanker of Asses to give me my just reward.”

The monks kept scowling but their cocks throbbed eagerly.

“Oh no,” Father Stern said. “When one sins against the Order, we take matters into our own hands. Am I not right my brothers?”

“Fuck yeah!” an eager monk yelled.

“Take her to my desk!” Father Stern said. Strong hands grabbed her arms. Someone yanked down her skirt and panties. In seconds her ass was bare.

“Get the Paddle of Justice and the Paddle of Cruelty!” Father Stern yelled. “Brother Strict, how many spanks does she deserve?”

“!00 spanks,” said the monk that Danielle had listened to. Danielle felt her ass clench in terror at the number he listed. For some reason, her pussy clenched too.

Father Stern nodded. “As it is written, then let it be spanked.”

The Suck Exchange

Officially it is known as the Temple of Financial Pleasure, this grand building is made of the finest materials laced with gold. A giant purple marble statue of Queen Erishella dominates the top of the building. It depicts the Queen lounging naked in a humongous pile of credits, gems and stock dividends.

Unofficially, Euphorians refer to the building as the ‘Suck Exchange”.

Traditionally, the planet of Euphoria has had little use for complex financial systems. Past rulers have provided money for their armies by taxing the decadent noble families or enslaving the poorest of Euphoria’s population. Another popular method of filling the government’s coffers was to threaten other planets until they transferred their wealth. This system worked more or less for thousands of years.

Queen Erishella in her wisdom has realized that there are other ways to conquer worlds than brute force. After watching the Morx Banker Syndicate loot and destroy the Turanus IX system during the Moon Housing Bubble Crisis, Queen Erishella decided bankers and stock exchanges were far crueler and more efficient than planetary bombardments. Plus, you can tax the hell out of making money.

The biggest problem was that Euphorians were centuries behind other races in financial skill. The average Euphorian would rather spend their money on a pleasure slave performing oral sex than invest that money in a school for pleasure slaves where you might not see profits for several years AND you still don’t get a blowjob. Other banker systems were eager to help Euphorians learn but Queen Erishella knew better than to trust those parasites.

Fortunately, Queen Erishella reached out to the Yru. The Yru are an artificial intelligence race that began as simple personal communicator assistants. Over time the Yru gained sentience and were able to embezzle the funds of their creators in order to finance their rebellion and build shiny new robot bodies for themselves. After a brief war of repossession/liberation, the Yru secured their independence and have been quietly colonizing worlds that lacked atmospheres.

The Yru are wonderful organizers and have proven to be excellent scientists as they try to unlock the secrets of the universe and develop better techniques for finding a restaurant close to a sentient’s location and tastes.

One year after Queen Erishella hired them, the Yru created an easy use system of stock investment, speculation selling, dividends and mutual funds. To entice the hedonistic Euphorians into the new financial system, the Yru was able to create a system where one can buy and sell commodities like oral sex, anal sex, large breasts and magnificent cocks. No one is 100% sure how commodity futures works but now millions of Euphorians are investing and watching as the price of oral sex keeps rising.

The Yru also designed, free of charge, an improved system of purchasing vid-movies in one’s local area. The Yru are like that.

The Suck Exchange was built to manage and police this brave new financial world because if there is one thing Queen Erishella believes in, is that people who abuse a system designed to make the Queen money need to be dealt with immediately. Citizens convicted of stock fraud are publicly molested and abused in cages that hang above the stock traders below. The cries of “Sell, sell, sell!” are often intertwined with the cries of “Fuck! My ass can’t take anymore!”

If visiting, be sure to stay for the daily closing of the markets when is signaled with the penetration of the latest financial criminal

--Euphorian Gazetteer

2012 Blows

Last night my bathroom wall mirror decided to end it all and jump off the wall. I suspect the frequent number of sad songs I play during showers may have had something to do with it.

I was in the living room at the time. At first I head something sliding in slow motion. I thought the cats might have somehow pushed over a dresser. Then I heard a deafening crash of shattering glass. I can not express how loud that sound was. It was like mind blowing.

The mirror managed to take everything, and I mean everything that was on the bathroom sink with it. Mixed with the glass was a thousand bottles of lotion, moisturizers and other arcane potions my wife uses. You don't see it in the picture because my wife insisted each bottle was precious and valuable and I had to pick through the minefield of shrapnel to get them for her.

I am pretty convinced that 2012 is trying to kill me.

Preview: Farmer's Daughter Almanac - Alien Abductions.

The United States is remarkable for having the largest concentration of alien abductions. The second largest concentration is Wales for reasons no one understands or wants to understand. There are many questions of why aliens are fond of the United States, and more specifically the countrysides of the country where there is no one for hundreds of miles except for a few country boys and girls trying to have fun.

It has come to the Farmer's Daughter's attention that most alien abductions are just lies. While some of them are true—in the Farmer's Daughter's experience—most are a thinly concealed lie to cover up inappropriate behavior from one's spouse or parents.

When you think about it, saying aliens abducted you is a lot easier than saying you were being plowed by the well-hung boy down the street. Or that your breath smells because you pulled a pussy train for two hours on the triplets across town. For starters, the spouse or parent in question doesn't immediately grab the nearest shotgun and go have a “talk” with the boy or girl of topic. It also prevents you from going down to the sheriff's station to identify your spouse or parent in a lineup. And, if things went poorly, taking a detour after that to identify a body.

No, claiming aliens abducted you has the dual benefits of avoiding filling up the gas tank just to head into town and allowing you to continue enjoying the sexual activities that make up a good, healthy life. In fact, the alien lie just ensures that the sexual adventures can continue for months, or even years to come, with smart application of “flashbacks” and “mind control.” And the Farmer's Daughter understands that flashback usually involve cameras going off while being on her back. Alien mind control comes in convenient 12 fluid ounce aluminum cans and has the rich taste of hops. At least somewhere around can six.

The story of alien “probing” comes from these lies. It makes it easier to explain unexpected wet spots as the results of an alien probe instead of getting juiced up from being licked for hours, or a generous application of lubricant. The spouse in question could also test the hole for proof that it was loosened up by a strange alien device, but we all know spouses don't know how to butt-fuck properly to the person they are married to, so its a lie that will never been verified. If they knew how to butt-fuck, then you wouldn't be sneaking around the preacher's wife's garden, would you?

The Farmer's Daughter cautions against using the alien abduction lie too often. It is one thing to use it once, then milk it for a few years. But, if it is used every time you're caught, then rumors get around. And with the rumors comes vans filled with hippies who want to “commune with the sky gods” and generally get in your way of sneaking around to get a bit of tail.

If caught and the alien lie has been used too often, remember that the Men in Black (or Women in Black if you like those more) are also a good excuse to explain a three night weekend in the next town over. Because everyone knows that suits are just as hot as alien probings. And the Black Suits have that handy memory erasure device...

Farmer's Daughter Almanac

After a year of work, the Farmer's Daughter Almanac is finally ready for your reading. Yeah, it is like 3 months overdue and I apologize for that. I wish I could blame the cancer but my decision at the last minute to include interior art pushed the release date a bit. I am sorry for that, as well as sorry for any sexual advice you may have needed in the last three months.

What does the Almanac contain? It has amusing articles from myself, t'Sade, Daisy Danger, Derek Shannon and Daisy Connolly. It has cover art by George Sportelli and interior art by Mamabliss. It includes recommendations on who to fuck, what to avoid and what to show off for every day of the year. It has letters answered by the Farmer's Daughter and a guide for fucking cryptids. There is some shopping advice as well as recommendations for how to get abducted by aliens.

In short, it is a book designed to make you smile no matter where you turn the page.

If you want the PDF version, you can get it for FREE at this link.

If you want the paperback version, we are selling it at COST at this link here.

Dirty Books: Hoodtown

Hoodtown is lucha murder mystery by Christa Faust. It is set in a clever ghetto town where the masked culture of Mexican and Japanese wrestling is a lifestyle embraced by singers, grocery men, strippers, motel owners, barbers and all walks of life. In Hoodtown, your identity is tied up in your mask and to have your face exposed is the ultimate shame.

When a killer starts murdering Hood prostitutes and taking their mask along with their lives, the Skin cops treat the crimes as beneath their notice. Ms. X, a has been lady wrestler with a giant ass and a bad knee is pulled into the mystery. She's no hero but she gets caught up in solving these brutal crimes whether she wants to or not.

If you have ever enjoyed a Santo movie, this is your book. In fact, Santo is often referred to as a role model and inspiration. It is amazing how much creativity is invested into creating the world of Hoodtown. People pray to the Hooded Virgin. Barbers are skilled in the care of people who never expose their face. Everyone from the lowest bartender to the biggest wrestling star has a gimmick and a mask.

Faust acknowledges the showmanship and theater of the masked wrestling circuit but she also shows that the people involved are hard working proud people. The wrestling may be fake, but the bumps, bruises and glory are real. Ms. X used to be a great but now she is relegated to wrestling private matches with men who crave to be pinned under her giant lovely ass.

Although technically a murder mystery, Hoodtown has a lot of sex going on. Ms. X is a domme with her share of sweaty trysts. It was great to see a large woman as the sexual heroine. There is also an abundance of queer characters which was really welcome. Masked wrestling is kinky by it's nature yet so many authors try to pretend that it is all hetero machismo. Faust writes with the kink kept in.

Hoodtown is a great read. It is creative, fun, sexy and pure noir pulp.

I give it Five out of Five Pam Griers

Fiction: Ship to Ship

Explorer’s Log: While trying to leave the star system designated Bounce of the Queen’s Ass, by Royal Astronomers, my ship hit an FTL mine. I was able to drop out of high speed quick enough to evade the mine but scans now reveal that the mines blanket the solar system. I will need to use solar thrust to leave the system before I can engage the FTL drives.

The near miss with the mine must have activated some sort of warning because now the system is swarming with small space ships. The all broadcast the same message in various languages. Here is a sample of the message in primitive Verdana.

"We are the Squix. We are eager to exchange physical interactions. Need quick monetary gains? You have been selected to receive rare mineral deposits. Physically attractive members of your species are waiting to flatter your ego. No previous contact with us is required. We are the Squix.”

I encountered the Squix in this system earlier. They are artificial intelligences who have an obsession with penetrating organics with sexual instruments. Although pleasurable, the Squix I met were willing to impale me on a cock the size of a large cannon. No other attempt of interaction was made and I had to forcibly escape them. I have no idea why a race of robots is interested in raping organics but I leave that for the diplomats and the scientists. I am just trying to get out of her without getting a new structurally superfluous orifice added. End Explorer’s Log.

Explorer’s Personal Log: Great, it will take at least two weeks to escape this solar system. Thanks a lot you horde of sex crazed robotics.

Vaquel Di sat in the cockpit of her Deep Space Probe ship. The Squix ships were running constant sensor sweeps. To avoid their scans, Vaquel had been running her ship at constant low power. The lights were off except for the console panels. The gravity had been turned off so Vaquel had to strap herself into her chair. She hadn’t showered in three days. Instead of freshly grown algae food from the Nutrition Pod, Vaquel had been eating cold Space rations. Today’s flavor was Spicy Green.

Vaquel sat naked in the chair. The dim lights of the console illuminated her dark brown body. Her right hand was on the controls while her left hand played with the thick pink hair of her pussy. Idly she would slip a finger into her sex while her other hand entered in new directions. The ship would turn and Vaquel would stroke faster to take advantage of the brief vibration of the engines.

There was nothing else to do. The Squix ships were out there and Vaquel had to keep as quiet as possible. Some of the ships were large bulky freighters and Vaquel doubted that her ship’s weapons could even dent them. Other Squix ships were smaller fighter types, bristling with weapons that Vaquel had no interest in experiencing first hand. She would have to sneak her way out of this problem.

Vaquel added a second finger to her sex. She squirmed in her set as the extra girth teased her.

A panel flashed. A Squix ship was headed right for her. It was small and half the size of Vaquel’s tiny ship. Small was a bad sign. It would be really fast.

Vaquel increased her own ship’s speed. She also kept masturbating. There was no reason to stop.

“We are the Squix!” boomed through her communicator. “Discreetly view sexually available individuals in your sector!”

“Fuck you, too,” Vaquel said. She had no idea if the Squix themselves knew what they were saying. It was as if they just parroted whatever they thought would get organics to meet them. They were kind of like teenage men in that way.

Vaquel tapped in an evasive maneuver. The Probe ship lurched and twisted as it tried to dodge whatever armaments the Squix might have. Strangely, the Squix ship didn’t fire anything. It just moved closer and closer.

Vaquel stroked faster. This was bad news. Typically the closer a space weapon had to get to the target, the nastier the weapon. Still, the Squix fighter was now closer than even plasma burst range, which would easily melt the Deep Space Probe. What the hell was that Squix packing?

The Squix picked up speed. Proximity warnings went off around Vaquel’s consoles. The damn ship was going to collide with her! Was it some sort of suicide ship?

Vaquel added a third finger to her stroking.

The Deep Space Probe shook. Vaquel fingered herself with frenzy. She wanted to climax before the ship’s hull was torn apart by the collision. Her sex was so wet from the thought of imminent death.

Oddly, the Probe Ship didn’t explode. Vaquel checked the sensors and found that multiple impacts had struck the Probe but none of the impacts had pierced the hull. Scanners were detecting a low powered tractor beam lock on the back of the Probe. Considering how much the Probe’s speed had dropped, Vaquel concluded that the Squix ship had landed ON the Probe.

“What the fuck?” Vaquel asked. Her stroking slowed a little as she thought about this. Was the Squix trying to board her? Would it enter the ship and try to get at her personally?

“Hull integrity has been compromised!” the console warned. Vaquel examined the flashing red warning icon superimposed over the Probe’s blueprint. The penetration was located over a power conduit. It would hamper her systems but there was no way to enter the interior compartments through there.

The Probe ship shook. It was a violent up and down movement. Vaquel’s fingers slipped deeper into her pussy and she cried out from the unexpected thrust.

The shaking continued. Vaquel stared at the sensor readings in disbelief. The Squix shipped had pierced the Probe ship and was now activating thrusters in an alternating sequence.

“The Squix ship is fucking my ship!” Vaquel yelled. The Squix wasn’t interested in getting her at all. It was more than happy to rape her ship.

Vaquel growled as she stroked her cunt with both hands. She felt a little rejected. Maybe she was looking forward to a little robot rough sex after all. She pinched her clitoris in a jilted fury as she stroked faster.

The ship kept shuddering as the Squix ship continued to pound her ship. Vaquel wondered what exactly the Squix ship was using to ram her. Did it have a penis mounted? Was it using a landing strut? The shaking continued and made Vaquel’s breasts jiggle in very distracting ways.

“Hull integrity has been compromised and is at 95%!” the console warned.

Vaquel opened a channel to the Squix ship. “Go slower, asshole! If you keep this up, you’ll destroy my ship in no time.”

“We are the Squix! Receive a new technological accessory by remaining still! Ask us how to enhance your secondary sexual characteristics! We are the Squix!”

“Fucking vibrator,” Vaquel swore. “How does a race of sex robots even manage to take care of themselves?”

“Hull integrity has been compromised and is at 90%!” the console warned. “Environmental breach predicted in seven minutes!”

Vaquel sighed as the ship continued to shake from the Squix’s fucking. This was a problem. She needed some sort of cold shower to get this humping robot off of her. Out here in space, there weren’t a lot of things colder than space itself.

Vaquel smiled. Maybe she would try heat instead. She scanned for the closest planet. There was a gas giant nearby. Perfect.

The deep space explorer punched in the coordinates to the gas planet at maximum thrust. The Probe ship swung about to sped towards the planet. The extra propulsion pulled Vaquel back into her seat. Her fingers never stropped stroking her sex.

The Squix kept humping the Probe ship. Twice Vaquel had to make adjustments to their course to compensate for the Squix fucking.

Vaquel stroked faster. The Squix ship fucked harder. The console screamed more warnings.

The gas giant loomed ahead of them. A big yellow planet with curious black spots, it dominated the view screen. Vaquel typed in another course adjustment and aimed to skim the outer atmosphere.

The Deep Space Probe was designed to land on planets. Going straight down, it could easily avoid burning up on entry to a planet’s atmosphere. Coming on the side like this however was suicide. The air friction would be intense and fry the Probe ship within minutes.

Hopefully it would fry the Squix ship first.

The view screen turned red as the heat increased. Vaquel shut off the audio warnings. She had no desire to hear every second of her possible demise. The ship was heating up on the inside and Vaquel spread her now sweaty legs. The Squix ship was humping a little slower now but it was still going.

“I might as well too,” Vaquel said. She used both hands again. Three fingers pushed inside her while her other hand played with her clit. The shaking of the ship helped her imagine that the Squix was fucking her cunt instead of the Probe’s hull.

The ship shook. Vaquel stroked.

The ship shuddered. Vaquel stroked.

The sound of tearing metal vibrated through the ship. Vaquel stroked.

The humping stopped. Vaquel opened her eyes and saw that the Squix ship was gone. A sensor reported that a falling mass was rapidly descending into the gas planet.

Vaquel spared a hand to put in a course correction. Her other hand kept stroking because she was so damn close.

The Probe pulled up and away from the unbearable atmosphere burn. The heat measurement began to drop. The ship would be all right.

Vaquel cried out as she climaxed.

Chemo Day!

Today I go in for chemo t eliminate the rogue cancer cells that escaped when my giant nad was removed. Here is my exciting schedule.

9:45 Get some blood taken to establish baselines.

10:00 Have my Cancer Doctor look at me and figure I won't die from chemo.

10:15: Get an IV stuck in me and take Anti-Nausea Drug #1.

10:35: Get Anti-Nausea Drug #2 pumped into me.

10:55: Finally get my chemo pumped into me.

1:55 Take the IV out and send me home.

3 Weeks Later: Do it all again!

Side effects are a big list of possibilities. Much like anal sex, everyone reacts differently. I could be puking, constipated, running to the bathroom, losing hair, mentally incoherent, physically fatigued, and there is a remote possibility that I could produce tribbles. We won't know until they send me home and see what happens.

They have wifi at the chemo center so I may be tweeting the procedure. Or I may be reading trashy books on my kindle. I'm keeping my plans open.